It’s no secret that men have an incredibly difficult time understanding what women are really saying. Sure, they both speak the same language, but when a woman talks, her phrases usually mean something totally different than expected. If you misread her, you could be in for a world of hurt, so we have assembled this simple guide to help you understand what your woman really means when she speaks.
*Note: If you have a bad memory, we suggest you to print this page out and keep it in your pocket. You never know when your girlfriend is going to spring one of these seemingly harmless phrases on you. It is always best to be prepared!
She says: I think I need some space
Translation: Stop bothering me loser!
When your girlfriend says she needs some space, she may or may not want to break up with you. But one thing is for sure: you are being too annoying! But, the traditional definition of annoying doesn’t always apply here. What you may construe as normal behavior might be annoying for her.
For example, if you constantly call her to tell her your recent achievements playing World of Warcraft, or feel the need to call her and describe the latest episode of your favorite anime cartoon, she will probably be annoyed. While this is considered normal, even borderline romantic activity to you, she does not appreciate it.
Remedy: To fix this situation, figure out what you are doing that is annoying her and try to stop. Or even better, if you wish to maintain a relationship with any women for longer than a week, stop playing World of Warcraft and watching anime. That usually works best.
She says: I am not looking for a relationship right now
Translation: I am not looking for a relationship with you!
This usually occurs very early into a relationship. What it really means is that she made a mistake going out with you and is deeply regretting it now. Maybe she thought she could get over the fact that you still live in your parents basement (even though you’re 35), or that your addiction to Justin Timberlake could be overlooked, but it is just not the case.
Remedy: It is sad, but if you have gotten to this point, your relationship is pretty much over. The best thing to do is be a man, and go tell all your friends how bad of a person she was and that she smelled like broccoli. This usually helps. Or, you could just listen to your Justin Timberlake CD and eat ice cream until all your worries are drowned in 5 pints of Ben & Jerry’s half baked. Either way works…
Translation: I want to see if there are any better guys on the market!
If things are going well, women don’t need a break. By nature, most women like being in monogamous relationships. So, if she says she needs a break, she is either looking for someone better than you, or has already found someone and wants to make her move without making you angry.
Remedy: if she says she wants a break, agree with her. Then, go and find the best looking girl you can, and start dating her! (If you play World of Warcraft or think anime is high quality TV, you may have to pay cash for this. But hey, this is just one of the costs of being epic, right?) Sooner or later, she will either see the mistake she made leaving you, or you will run out of cash, your lady friend will find another sugar daddy to hang around with, and you will have to retreat to your parents basement to find a new way to socialize with women.
Translation: This relationship has no future. Make a move or I am gone!
If you have been in a relationship for a long period of time, but things have stopped progressing, this question is sure to come up. Usually, it makes an appearance at a coffee shop or at the end of a date. You are usually caught off guard by this question. This relationship is not over yet, but it is coming very close.
Remedy: you could do one of two things to fix this situation. 1. You could change your behavior and make a commitment to her, like move in together, get a dog together, or maybe even propose or 2. You could take the easy way out: accept that you are boring and have nothing going for you. After the date, as you are walking away, you should take out your cell phone and send her a text ending the relationship right there. Use ambiguous phrases to make yourself sound smart while throwing in a few off color insults. The manly thing to do is dump her first before she has a chance to dump you. Life is all about ego preservation!
She says: I think we should be just friends
Translation: You are not boyfriend material or I met someone better than you, but I don’t want to hurt your feelings
This one really hurts. It usually happens out of the blue, and you will have a very difficult time seeing it coming. This relationship is pretty much over. There is a very good chance that she has found someone smarter, better looking, and who doesn’t still watch Dragon ball-Z to replace you. Since you never showed any manly characteristics to begin with, there is no risk for her making this move. And hey, if you try to do something, she will just call the replacement boyfriend she found and get him to take care of you.
Remedy: There really is no remedy for this situation. Chances are, you need to make yourself a better person, and then find a way to make her feel bad she left you. While this may sound difficult, it is easily achievable with a little bit of imagination.
It is extremely difficult to effectively communicate with women. But, if you look out for the above phrases and react quickly when they come up, you are sure to keep your ego from being bruised, and you may even save your relationship…but probably not, though. If your girlfriend says any of the things above to you, it is pretty much over, and there is a high probability that you are a loser.
Oh well, at least you are still good at Warcraft, right?